I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
