Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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