Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
