you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
