if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
