hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
