I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
