I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
