They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
