How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
