watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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