maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
