you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
