11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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