Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
