First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
