He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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