My brain says no but my pants say off.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
