this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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