exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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