At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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