At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
