So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
