If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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