Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
