Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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