If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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