just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
