i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
please come you make the beer taste better
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
