I seem to have left my pride at pride
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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