After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
