Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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