So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
