Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
