The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
