And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
