I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
