i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
