my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
