smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
