So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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