so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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