dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
