I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
