so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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