the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
