On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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