You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
