Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
