i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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