My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just high enough for therapy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
