You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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