He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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