lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
