you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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