Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
