I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
