Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
