After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
