Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
