just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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