I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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